I used to live in constant fear. When I was in my active addiction, I feared I would end up in jail. I feared I would lose custody of my son. I feared the inevitable sickness that would take over my body once detox started. But mostly, I feared that my secret would be exposed, and I would be forced to get the help I desperately needed.
I never had faith in God that he would see me through.
When I started living a life in recovery, my fears were even more pronounced, having to face life without anything to numb my feelings and worries.
I feared I wasn’t going to be a functional mom to my young son. I feared that I would not be able to pay my bills. I feared I would never be good enough for a healthy relationship. I feared I was not worthy of anything positive.
When faced with my son not surviving a life-threatening diagnosis, my fear nearly crippled me. I knew then, it was time to stomp out my fear and lean into my faith.
Through my years in recovery, I had repeated the phrases I heard from so many before me such as “Let go and let God” and truly believed I was following the instruction, but when faced with the trauma of my son’s diagnosis, I quickly realized I was far from letting it go. My fear was in full force and my faith was nowhere to be found.
When I finally, TRULY, surrendered to God and leaned into Him, I found a freedom like I never knew was possible. A freedom from fear.
I have also learned that what I put my energy into is what will be, and I would much rather feel the beauty of faith, rather than the shackles of fear.
We cannot live in fear and faith at the same time. We must choose. I choose faith. I pray you do too.