When I was in my active addiction, my brain thought of nothing more than getting my hands on drugs. I needed and wanted to be numb to the reality of what had become of my life. I figured as long as I kept using, I would never have to deal with the mess I had made.
I was tormented every minute of the day and if I by chance a moment of clarity would appear, I would become paralyzed with shame, unwilling or unable to acknowledge the help I desperately needed.
Inner peace was not obtainable, or even considered during those days.
If I only knew then, what I know now.
If I only knew that I would be strong enough to clean up all the messes my addiction had created in my life, maybe I wouldn’t have given so many years to the disease that took everything from me.
But addiction doesn’t allow any flicker of hope to come through when it is in control. There are no cracks in the grave you are buried in, nothing to see or hear outside of the sound of screaming demon in your head demanding MORE. Always MORE.
Entering recovery, the sound of the screaming demon’s voice gets a little less loud and traces of light start to appear. A spark of hope. When that spark becomes visible, you nurture and protect it until the darkness is gone and the hostile, demanding voices have turned soft and kind. And when your mind is finally quieted, you are ready to look deep inside of yourself.
As more time is committed to a life of sobriety, the more you get to know, accept and love yourself….ALL of yourself. That steadfast commitment to self-love, the good, the bad and the ugly reveals the path to true inner peace.
True inner peace is a gift that only you can give to yourself, and only you can give it back.
I pray that you will find your inner peace and share your gift with others.