In the fellowship of AA and NA we are asked to be ‘rigorously honest’ when doing the required 12 steps of recovery or what we call step work. I take the steps and the level of honesty that is needed very seriously when working with sponsee’s. It is essential we be honest about our shortcomings or the ‘character defects’ that kept us in active addiction, so we can then work on changing those behaviors.
However, in day-to-day life interactions, I find myself not being rigorously honest with my response to a common question that we are all faced with multiple times per day:
“How are you?”
Most of the times I am asked this, I know that it is part of our vernacular in saying hello. And maybe the person asking doesn’t really want to hear an honest answer or simply wants to say hello and acknowledge I am there, and so my typical response is:
“Great! How are you?”
It really doesn’t matter what is going on in my life at that very moment, the response is always the same, and this, is not me being rigorously honest.
I can tell you that feeling “great” is not something I experience frequently. In fact, I would gamble to say most of us who are asked that question are struggling with something and could really use the support and insight of someone else who can relate.
Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t think it would be appropriate to do a major download about all the struggles you have or are currently facing to the kind soul who asked you a simple question, but I do feel it a more honest and genuine response to say something like “Today is a good day, thank you.” Or “I’m doing the best I can with life’s circumstances, thank you for asking.”
I don’t know about you, but I would feel quite lonely and isolated if everyone I came in contact was doing “Great!” when I rarely was.
I want my interactions with others have a positive impact on them. I want others to feel a positive energy when we chat, and I certainly don’t want anyone to feel discouraged about the difficulties they may be facing in life forcing to ask themselves “Why am I the only one not doing great?”
WE need to get real. WE need to get honest. And keep in mind that the person asking, “how you are doing” may really be asking “Is your life as #@$%# up as mine?”
So, the next time someone asks you “How are you?”, be brave enough to be honest. You just never know who God has placed in your path to help you.