When I was in my “active” addiction, my days were anything but ordinary. I spent hours upon hours seeking out ways to get my next prescription of oxy’s and Adderall. Most days started out the same, with me doctor shopping then driving hours to fill a prescription at a pharmacy where I would not be recognized. The end to my day had 2 scenarios, my getting arrested or me going through a horrific withdrawal because I was unsuccessful at obtaining any opioids.
When I give myself the time and space to sit and relive those awful days, a tremendous sadness comes over me. I was so blinded and overtaken by my addiction. I couldn’t do anything that didn’t help feed the beast of addiction and frankly wouldn’t do anything that didn’t feed that beast inside of me. I can see my young self being incredibly scared and feeling desperately alone. But I could also see the Angels that were surrounding me being so sad, waiting for my call for help that would not come until years later.
The day I cried out for help, those Angels were there to deliver the request to God, and it was then and only then, God delivered me from the heinous life I was living. Even still, it would take years for me to understand what a gift an ordinary day is. My faith would be frequently tested and in my 9th year of recovery the biggest blow of all was handed to me…my only child was going to battle a life-threatening illness and for several years to come, our lives and the days to follow would be anything but ordinary.
Cancer took just about everything from us. Dreams of playing sports with friends to attending school on a regular basis were no longer an option for my son. It would now be poison in his veins and painful surgeries. We lived day to day, never sure of what would come next.
Battles such as these, that continuously push your guard up, that encourage you to wait for the next bomb to drop, tends to put you in a state of paranoia, even years after the war has ended.
Spending days with nothing on my schedule but going to the grocery store, or doing laundry is my favorite kind of day. I will never again take an ordinary day for granted or feel guilty about hunkering down for a day with pizza and Netflix.
And neither should you, my friend.